At some point, we have all wondered about the viability of building positive relationships with school staff, especially when all they seem to do is prevent our child from having the free, appropriate, public education to which they are entitled. Whether we’ve worked with administrators or teachers who seem like they could use a vacation, or someone who seems in a permanent state of irritability, these people will play an important part in our and our children’s lives. For at least the school year, we are in a long-term relationship with these people.
If I only know them for a year, what is the point of building these relationships with school staff?
Actively working on building positive relationships with school staff is absolutely to your advantage. Each day, your child spends a lot of time with their teacher. The school administrator will keep an eye on how things with your child are going. While it is not required that you have a good relationship with both of these individuals for them to do their jobs, people are more inclined to go above and beyond for those who treat them with kindness.
Here are some easy ways you can go about building a positive relationship with school staff:
Send the teacher a quick email or hand-written note if they have gone out of their way for your child. When your work schedule allows it, offer to volunteer in the classroom. Ask the teacher what you can do to support him, her, or them. Repeat the request from time to time.
If your finances allow it, ask the teacher what items they need for the classroom. Every class needs items like glue, copy paper, paper tissues, etc. Once when a high-level county official ‘made’ a teacher accept Leigh’s son in her full-inclusion class, Leigh asked if she could bring in holiday decorations. Leigh told the teacher what she was planning, and got her consent.
How does this help my relationship with the school staff?
Leigh and the teacher both knew the teacher had heard Leigh was “THAT” parent, and she was dreading having to deal with Leigh. When Leigh showed up with the teacher-approved decorations, Leigh will never forget the look on the teacher’s face. She clearly did not know what to make of Leigh. Leigh just smiled and said “Don’t believe everything you have heard about me.” It was a turning point for both of them. Her son made a lot of progress in that teacher’s class, and enjoyed being there. Leigh and this teacher had a good working relationship.
Is it always possible to go about building positive relationships with school staff? What if they refuse?
There may be some individuals who are less-than-receptive to building a relationship with you. If it is difficult, keep doing your best. Remember, this person spends a lot of time with your child. Especially resist the temptation to write snarky emails: it is rarely worth it.
If you have to file a complaint, work with them first. When Leigh had to file a compliance complaint, she always started with the teacher. Leigh then asked them if they could help, or should she request help from their boss? Sometimes that can be a relief or even helpful for the teacher. If his or her boss does not help, then Leigh would give them a politely-worded email saying if they did not address her complaint within “X” days, she would file a compliance complaint. It is almost always better to let them know what you are doing and that you are doing it. Playing “gotcha” may feel satisfying, and it does not improve working relationships.
Are there exceptions to this rule?
If the school person is abusive to your child or obviously unqualified, that is another story. One year Leigh’s son’s classroom did not have a teacher. For several weeks, one of the aides taught the class. While a lovely human being, she had neither the experience nor the training to teach a class full of significantly-disabled children. Leigh was still kind to her, and was less kind in complaining to management about not having a credentialed teacher running the class.
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